I must warn you. This is not my best writing.... One of these days I will properly compose a blog ahead of time. But I suddenly felt moved to write to you all.
Yesterday morning around 11:30 I decided I was leaving Gram Chetna within 24 hours. I know my last entry was all warm and fuzzy, but since John left, GCK turned into quite the hell hole. If I thought I was being treated strangely before I was the only girl there, magnify that by 10 and that might be a reasonable estimate of the discomfort.
Have I told you about the creepyness factor? I know I've mentioned it in a few emails to various people, but I can't remember if I have specifically written about it in my blogs. Men in India tend to look at western women like we're filthy whores, yet undress us with their eyes at the same time, all the while not speaking... just staring.
Anyway, A few days ago a pair of my undies went missing. Normally I wash them in the shower and hang them dry in my room. I find this process to be easier than waiting till I have no more clean pairs and being forced to figure something out. And every day, except for this day, I remember to bring my under ware back to my room from the shower. So it has always worked very well.
However, the other day I forgot my clean underwear in the shower and when I went back for them, they weren't there. This means that one of the creepy Gram Chetna men has a pair of my underwear. Part of me is relieved I washed them before I forgot them, but the other part is annoyed that I have a pair of my underwear floating around the dorms of Gram Chetna.
CREEPS!
But this wasn't the reason I left early. I have been completely ignored and excluded from everything since I became the only intern last week. And I've been going out of my way to be social and engaging since John left. But the straw that broke the camels back was yesterday morning when I was made to wait until all of the men had eaten before I could have breakfast. You might be thinking, "maybe this is all a big misunderstanding." But I know it was intentional because there was a guy who stayed the night at Gram Chetna and told Govind he didn't like me (a woman) eating with everyone (the men. So the next morning, he was still at Gram Chetna, and I was not invited to eat breakfast until the men had eaten and the food was cold.
So at that very moment I decided to get the eff-word out of that mother bleeping hell-hole.
When I told Rajiv that I was leaving, he acted like he understood completely. He said I didn't seem to enjoy myself because the staff was not in a position to accommodate an intern. He mentioned that during the weeks John was there, he went on 15 or 17 micro-finance field visits. I only went on three. THREE! I can't left myself think about this without feeling extremely disappointed and upset. I think in a few days, when I have cooled down, I am going to write a respectful email to Prashant. I want to explain to him that in the future, if he knows Gram Chetna is not able to accommodate interns he should not invite interns. I could have gone somewhere else for my internship and it really upsets me that I had a sub par experience because he accepted me when he shouldn't have.
So that's that. Now I am in Jaipur waiting to leave on my train tomorrow night. I bought all sorts of shaving supplies and finally I feel like a lady again. Don't worry, I took "before" pictures.
xoxo
Mary
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I'm sorry it turned out to be such a negative experience in the end.
ReplyDeletei still want to hear all about it when you are home!
The worry is over! Thanks for the clarification that you had just left Gram Chetna early.
ReplyDeleteGo explore, discover the India you studied and did your best to prepare to experience and then some. Life is too short to be around toxic people, the men of Gram Chetna were obviously toxic, especially the low life who arrived the day before.
India Business books advise that Caste is really about someone always trying to be superior and make someone subservient to them or a lower level than them. Rural areas it is still practiced and more pronounced than urban areas. Bolstering their self worth/esteem/beating their chest about their superiority. Moving on was the right decision.
If you make it down to Hyderabad or Karala (southern tip of India), I can get contact information from Raj's (known as Rajeevan in India and to his family) family or his wifes family. I believe Krishna (Raj's wife) has a sister who lives in Delhi, I know the sisters daughter Smitta from numerous gatherings at Raj's house, it would be her mother who lives in Delhi. You would be treated like family if you made contact (Krishna's family lives in Hyderabad), Raj's family in Karala. Let me know if you are interested in making contact with them.
Enjoy your adventures yet to experience! Above all be safe. Raj's email is Rkattil@aol.com
You're making the right choice. Absolutely. From the straw that broke the camels back, to the lack of responsibility they've shown when it comes to addressing the needs of interns. Yup. Go have fun!
ReplyDeleteBut I still wouldn't chalk this up as a loss. If anything, you've got on-the-ground knowledge of the system there- the way it's broken in places, and you've experienced first-hand the type of sexist crap that inhibits productive working environments, and- maybe your departure will give them something to think about as well.
I hope you point out everything you mentioned in this post to Prashant.
Be freeee!!! Go have ffffuuuunnn!
I am just so relieved you were able to shave... ;) I miss and love you and wish you were home. Go have fun!!!! Poo on Gram Chetna.
ReplyDeleteI definitely think you did the right thing! If you are unable to contribute and accomplish any of the goals you set out to accomplish while you were there, and being there is uncomfortable and/or disturbing to your well being, you have to go. Personally, I am relieved chica. I know you were less than happy and even though I try not to, I worry (what's a bestie to do?) Now that you are free of that place and free to do and explore as you please there, I know you will find the India that you love (and I can't wait to hear all about it!!). You are the smartest chick I know so I know you made no decision lightly. Now when I think of you in India, it will be with a smile because I know your doing what you do best; discovering, learning, enjoying... etc. I can't wait to experience it all through your stories when you get back! Try to remember even the smallest details because you know I will soak it all up, forever living vicariously through you. lol. Picture this: Boxed wine, pizza and Sex and the City... a girls night is in order!!! Miss you, love you, and as always, be safe! xoxo :-D <3 <3
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, not all the things we learn from experience are positive. I do think it was a good thing you went. Ugliness is a teacher, too. You have first-hand knowledge of things most Americans do not even know exist. In the future, when you remember Gram Chetna, do not forget the ugliness, just keep it in it's own Pandora's box, and when you remember Gram Chetna, remember the chai, the 100 year old dancing monk, the people who would wave as you would bike by, eating on the floor and the woman who wanted to adopt you. Mainly, it's the people you were there to help more so than the people you worked for. Good job! Safe travel!
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